Anyway, whatever and all that!

The last 6 or so months have proved extremely trying for us! Illness, fights and distancing have all played a huge part. All the information isn't necessary. What is necessary, is that we realized why. It was a lack of DD in our lives. We've surpassed a year in this lifestyle and have had a few starts and stops but we always came back to realizing that the stops were what caused all the strife. So, we got started back up, and much to my dismay. All the complicated emotions that us ladies feel when it comes to ttwd came spiraling forward at a non-stop speed! Of course, I dialed up my good friend Kay. This is her blog...www.tryingtolearnlearningtotry.blogspot.com. I griped and complained and whined to her. She listened and then gave sound advice. She's good at that! In fact, she's so good at this ttwd that the HOH has demanded she be kept on my speed dial. I emergency, psycho texted her on Friday telling her about an argument that had spiraled out of control. I had become the crazy, hormonal wife that was breaking all those stupid D's and whatever! I performed all the whatevers, anyways, eye rolls and even hung the phone up on him...and I didn't care! I know, I'm brilliant right?! I was mad! The whole argument was unfair! However, Kay texted me advice which I completely ignored. Well, maybe not entirely, because by the time the HOH arrived home mad! I was all sorts of repentant and actually handed him the paddle. Believe it or not, we actually talked something out for the first time in months. I apologized and so did he. He then put me otk and handed down the worst paddling I've ever had. He didn't stop and I didn't stop him. He was wrong, but I was more wrong and I deserved every swat he handed down. It hurt so bad but I actually only put my hand back once (this is success for me) and yelled I was sorry multiple times. He didn't stop even though I cried and I thought he wanted to cry, for how vulnerable I had become during our talk and apologies, not due to the spanking. You see, the issues I was spanked for are things I continually have problems with and probably will have for a long time. It's from my childhood and something reactionary that comes naturally to me when I'm under stress or pressure. When the paddling was nearing an end, I was limp, he began lecturing between each swat. When he was done lecturing, he did something he called a "Rapid Fire" swat. He went hard and fast multiple times. I'm sure he got it from that Husbandly Touch blog he's been reading, www.husbandlytouch.blogspot.com. When he said, "That's it." I collapsed to the floor in tears, not just from pain but more from guilt. I had broken almost every rule and hurt his feelings. I was crushed with guilt about that. But, he picked me up and held me on his lap. No rubbing, he never rubs. He held me and said he loved me. It was such an intimate moment for us, especially looking back at the past 6-9 months! I love this man and the way he picks up ttwd and holds me accountable, and himself! I love the way he can pull us back together, even if it includes leaving me with a very hurting bottom. As I weave through my re-training from the last 6-9 months, I know he'll be there guiding me with a steady hand and a loving heart!