Why can I not shut up?!

So, the week went by very fast! I worked outside on the farm ALOT! Shuffled the kids to and from school, meet the teacher, football practice, church and much more. This basically left me no time for the network...boo! :-( I missed all the ladies! However, I got so much done around the house and everywhere else that I manged to squeak my way past any punishments from the HoH! Yay for me! If you read my last blog, you know he started adding them up! He had not done anything with the "adding" so I figured maybe he forgot! Again, yay for me! So, yesterday rolled around, I love Fridays! I love weekends! I love knowing that the HoH will be home, Saturday football games, Church and just about everything else about weekends. Anyway, as bedtime approached last night, the HoH and I got into one of those discussions, the kind of discussion where I get to give my opinion BUT he gets to make the final call! I HATE these discussions. It is, without a doubt, my biggest weakness with submission! Long story short, I became disrespectful and almost mocked him through the discussion argument! He firmly said, "We'll talk about this later!" I did shut up but thought in the back of my mind, "Yah right!" Well, bedtime came along, I finished getting ready for bed and went to crawl into bed. I saw the bedroom door was locked, the HoH was smirking and when I pulled back the covers...there it was! That damn paddle! I buried my head in the pillow, he began lecturing. Now, pause for a brief moment to hear the thoughts while I buried and he lectured....This is only our second week with a DD lifestyle. How come he is so confident? Consistent? It's almost as if he is paying attention to every move I make! He behaves as though we have always done this and so much that he has become sneaky and a bit devious! WTH?! I brought this to him! You know what?! When he puts me over his knee, I'm gonna make a move. I'm gonna tie him up with the bedsheets and paddle to my heart's content! Then I'm gonna...and then...oh man, I hope he warms me up a bit. This is gonna hurt like hell! I've been terrible this week...And...

"Do you understand that? Do you realize how disrespectful you've been?"

"Uh huh..."I missed the lecture...not like I needed to hear it...

"Alright, let's do this..."

Now, the next 5 minutes consisted of swat after swat and then he was done.

Oh, well, that wasn't bad...

Now, ladies, before he even put the paddle down, I opened my mouth and I couldn't believe what came out. The unthinkable. The stupid. Wait for it...."I think you should spank me more. I'm really not sorry and already thinking about being disrespectful again."

WTH?! Shut up! Why did you say that?!

Over the knee...again. Now, ladies, the defiance kicked in big time. Swat after swat after swat, harder with each one. He talked to me, asked if I was sorry, asked if he needed to keep going and I couldn't wouldn't stop him. I even laughed a couple times. Now, these were NOT laughable swats!

What the hell was wrong with me?!

I was in pain but still not there yet. You, who have been doing this, you know what there looks, feels, smells, tastes and sounds like. I had lost count of the swats. Finally, the last two swats were laid down with a different strength, one he had not used before and it was more than enough to push me there and I was done.

"I can't believe you! Stubborn! Defiant! What is wrong with you?! I'm still wondering if we need to keep going..."

"I'm done!" I apologized for everything and even thanked him, strangely enough. We cuddled, laughed a bit about my defiance and faded off into the night. I couldn't help but wonder, have the other ladies been through this? Have they admitted to needing more? Is something wrong with me?!

The HoH is getting awfully comfortable...

in his HoH role! Not only is he getting comfortable, he's becoming conniving and devious, like I have heard about alot of other HoH's. It's almost as if he is pleasured by his new role! Hubby added a few rules that include breaking an addiction and a daily task. Well, I didn't complete either one on Monday, but I was honest with him as we rolled into bed. He acted as if he didn't care so I went on to sleep. Yesterday night rolled around and I had completed one, but failed in the other. I again was honest and told him. He smirked.

"Why are you smiling like that? Are you going to punish me?"

"Not tonight..."

"What do you mean, not tonight?!"

"I'm adding them up..."

"WHAT?!"

"Yup! Yesterday, today...."

"You can't do that! That's not fair."

"Yes, I can, I'm the HoH"

"What?! Spank me now! I'll take it now!"

"Nope."

The next ten minutes consisted of me begging, pleading with him not to add them up but to punish me now, spank me now. let's negotiate and more. I was basically begging to be spanked and now! WTH?!

He again said, "Nope."

He was pleased with himself making me wonder, think, cringe and so on....

To be continued....

No need for maintenance...

Sunday was day 8 in our DD lifestyle. I had only had 2 spankings and had weasled my way out of a few when Sunday afternoon brought a twist. Just leaving Church, a small miscommunication/misinformation happened in which hubby bear decided to describe as me, having a rant. Now, I wasn't having a "rant" until I heard him describe it as a "rant." Then, I began to feel the heat rise in my core, ladies know what I'm talking about. I'm not sure anything can cool down that heat. It got worse. We began to discuss loudly, with kids in tow. First rule broken. Then I really did begin to rant! Second rule broken. I wouldn't let it go. Third rule broken. I was doomed, but pissed anyway. Then he said the inevitable, "I am not going to ENABLE you!" Oh, hell no with finger snaps and all! "ENABLE ME?!" What the hell is that supposed to mean?! The heat inside me became a fire! I mean, what is he enabling? Does he want me to rant? Oh, I can rant baby! Just you wait! Well, just as a true rant was about to unfold, he walked away. He went outside to work on the farm and I was left to stew. I hopped on the network. Now, my good friend Kay, she is so wise! She let me vent! She even vented with me a little bit! Then she basically said, "You guys need have to talk and if you broke the rules, you have to accept the punishment." Well, it was true, I had broken the rules. I calmed down and came to accept that I would be in trouble. Same scenario as always, kids to bed, lecture and spanking. This was the worst spanking yet, but afterwards, everything was better, no resentment, anger, bitterness and definitely no rants! ;-) Afterwards, the HoH informed me with a smirk on his face, "I was going to do maintenance tonight, but no need, because you broke the rules anyways!"

Aunt Flo...w is coming!

Ok, so I am within a few days of my "monthly friend" and the freak out is already happening! It is sure to be coupled with hysterical, childish moments and multiple temper tantrums. And now with this new TTWD, it's sure to be coupled with nightly paddlings!

I have always struggled with my cycle! It starts out crying over coffee commercials, moves to throwing myself down like a two year old and ends with throwing things, seriously! I mean, maybe I should be medicated for these symptoms now that there are consequences (hate that word).

Isn't there some "get out of punishment" for a friggin' week card?! I have been doing so good. I have dodged a few bullets...PTL! And, we have been communicating during disagreements! And now Mother Nature is going to butt in and ruin it all. Ugh....

Rant over....for now!

Defiance...

Defiance...as you all will figure out by reading through my blog, I'm super great at this. I think it's everyone's earthly nature, including Men, to try to make your own decisions, be independent and basically, do what you want. Well, this nature, in my opinion, pushes our HoH into a role that is passive. It's not how God intended the roles to be. Well, if I'm honest, my defiance and disrespect are my biggest issues and tend to cycle within one another. Day 3...I stayed out of trouble but Day 4 came and was looking good until later in the afternoon. I'll spare you the details but what you need to know is that wonderful defiance and disrespect kicked in. I was asked to do something that I thought was absurd and then just said, "NO!" Not only did I say no, I didn't ever do what I was asked to do. He calmly said, "OK, we'll deal with it later..." I knew what that meant. I spent the next 3 hours begging for forgiveness and trying to get out of a spanking. This made him more angry and I was warned if I didn't stop, it would be worse. I stopped.

I get all of my punishments at bedtime because we have a houseful of kids. I knew it was coming and tried to go to bed early. He didn't let me. I received my lecture and my swats. Because we are still learning TTWD, he went too light, it did still hurt. He realized he did and said he would make up for it next time and to be patient with him as he is learning. He is a great HoH for just starting out!

Lesson Learned: Do NOT tell your HoH "No!" and do as he asks. LOL

Ugh....Rules!

As the day came to an end and we tucked the kids away for bed, I decided I would talk to the HoH about rules...reluctantly. We talked about the 4 D's which he liked but there were more rules we needed to set up. Here we were, communicating again, without yelling, blaming or any of the other sh-crap we did during our crazy pre-DD life. I thought I would share them with you all and like my friend Kay says, maybe it will help me remember them....LOL

First, let's start with the 4 D's, they encompass quite a bit...

Disobedience, Defiance, Dishonesty and Disrespect

As far as I'm concerned, everything falls under these but we decided to be specific on certain ones we struggled with.

The rest are...

1. Be honest, no matter what the truth is.
2. Be respectful
3. When out without spouse, check-in regularly
4. No cussing in front of the kids.
5. No fighting in front of the kids.
6. No yelling during arguments.
7. No name-calling!
8. No going hysterical or historical!
9. No absolutes...ex. You always do... or You never do...
10. No saying, "I'm leaving... or the word "divorce"
11. Never go to bed angry
12. Don't be wasteful with money or utilities at home
13. Hold my tongue in public...I know what this means! :-)
14. No talking about our sex life in public.
15. No temper tantrums
16. No secret accounts, financial or social.
17. Hold still during spankings and cooperate with punishments.
18. Trust that eachother has the best intentions.
19. Work together as a team, not against eachother.
20. Love unconditionally!!!!

Well, these are our rules! We'll see how following them goes... :-)

Are we really doing this?

Day 1 of TTWD, (I found out that means, this thing we do....I'm so smart in blogland now! LOL!) had really gone by like a gust of wind. It was Day 2, I couldn't get my hands off of the new HoH. We headed to Church, I guaranteed myself that when we returned, I would do more research. I'm a research kind of a gal! I emailed Clint and asked a couple of questions. He responded, and quickly, which kinda made me think he was human. Haha...sorry Clint. He told me about the DD network and also told me that our next step should be to make a set of rules and consequences. Rules?! I hate that word! Consequences?! I hate that word even more! HoH spent the day on the tractor and I spent the day talking myself out of "making rules" and putting my mind on everything or ANYTHING else other than DD. It didn't work! All I could think about was the connection, that crazy connection that started with a spanking...

Pull your pants down!

I shook my head to be sure that's what I heard. He said, "that's right, get over my knee." I saw he had the paddle in hand, the same paddle I had bought to reinforce good behavior from the kids. He firmly pulled me over his knee and began....

((Swat)) Ouch

((Swat)) Ouch...squirm

((Swat)) squirm...whimper

((Swat)) Oh my gosh...I'm dying!

I sat up and stopped him, grabbing him around the neck and and hugging him tightly. He comforted me for a moment and lectured me a bit. I really had not done anything, well, except for our entire marriage's worth of disrespecting and defying him. He then said,

"You don't decide when we're done! I decide when we're done! And for that, you are getting 5 more!"

He commenced with 5 more that were harder than the first 4 and trust me, I didn't wiggle or squirm. I took it, because I had earned it for being defiant (which I'm super great at) and I knew he was perfecting his new role as HOH!

Afterwards, he held me, comforted me, loved me and talked to me. He asked me about my feelings and told me his. WE WERE CONNECTING for the first time EVER! The feelings were all over the place, but amazing! I knew then and there that we had entered the DD lifestyle and there was no turning back.

I had always wondered what made the "relatives" marriage so amazing. What was their secret? They had their share of family and financial issues. But, they always seemed so strong! Now, I knew! The feelings and response after the spanking shocked us both. I can honestly say that the first spanking changed everything for us and my feelings of respect, admiration and love for my HOH were stronger than ever!

I let a day pass....

I let a day pass with all of my new information and because I totally suck at keeping secrets, I decided I would tell him, (even though I wasn't supposed to) in a manner that almost mocked it! In honesty, I was still quite shocked and humored by all that I had read and well, it was quite funny to think about our certain relative being spanked by her husband. He did what I thought he would do, he kinda laughed and then said,

"This is a sexual thing, right?!"

"Actually, that's what I thought in the beginning but, no it's not. I mean it can be, but this isn't!"

I went on to tell him about a blog I had just about read all the way through, http://www.learningdd.blogspot.com/ and a website http://christiandomesticdiscipline.com/ and we still kinda laughed it off. In the back of my mind, I was going through these thoughts...

What if Clint is right?

What if this could make our marriage different?

As far as our marriage, we'd struggled, and hard! Lots of fights, name calling, "I'm leaving!", many counselors and for our entire marriage, and a ton of going hysterical and historical! At moments, I think we'd both wished the other would leave but I truly believe what kept us together was our love for Jesus and our kids! Back to the thoughts...

If I suggest we try this, will he think I'm insane?

Will he judge me?

Will he laugh at me?

Am I really asking to be disciplined?

What in the hell is wrong with me?

I continued to research and question myself. Finally, I decided we had nothing to lose! Things had been terrible between us in the past and so after we put the kids to bed, I pulled out the laptop and showed him the sites.  He read for about 30 minutes. We talked more and read more and talked more and read more. Then he shut the laptop and said,

"Pull your pants down!"

He does WHAT?!?!

This is how I was introduced to DD....

We had made the plans a week before. We would head to the city and meet some family, the girls would do a little shopping and the men, well, they'd do whatever men do! So, here we are walking among the shops, telling stories and me, being quite sarcastic during one, was stopped by my relative. Let's call her J for now and soon you'll know why I can't release her name or what relative she is.

J: "You know, you remind me alot of myself!?

What's that mean? "Oh yah...why?"

J: "Well, we are strong willed, opinionated, sarcastic and mouthy women..."

Who me? "Ummm yes that's true."

J: "Well, a couple years back, we were having alot of issues in our marriage. I don't need to go into detail but it was pretty rough."

"ok..."

J: "Well, that's when a friend of ours told us about Domestic Discipline."

Discpline? hmmm...

J: "There's no easy way to say this, well, basically.....I get spanked."

cough...choke...laugh...cough..."You what?!" The shock is really hard to describe through a blog but I think we've all been there....

J: "Well, as part of our rules, I'm not supposed to tell anyone, unless I have permission. I will get spanked if He finds out!"

(sarcastic tone) "Or what?! You get spanked! You're joking...right?!"

J: "I shouldn't say anymore. Don't tell anyone else that we had this conversation and go home and google Domestic Discipline."

Well, this is where the conversation ended. However, my curiosity did not end there. I started googling immediately. I found ALOT of information and ALOT of mis-information. Was I going to tell the hubby, a self-proclaimed "butt guy?" Ummm....not a chance!